I love an opportunity to go to bed on time or early
even. There’s always this grandiose idea
that you’ll go right to sleep, get a full eight hours in and feel totally
refreshed the next morning – it’s such an awesome thought. It’s such a great thought and idea, that I’ll
even plan how the next morning is going to go.
I’ll wake up feeling wonderful, have a quick snack and toss on the
sneakers and go outside to walk in the beautiful morning sunlight. I get giddy thinking about it. Reality
is that I might sleep ok (eh), but I’m never fresh, I’m pillow hugger and a bed
magnet all rolled into one. I hate the
alarm, I don’t want to get up, I have sleep in my eyes and I hit the snooze 3
times. Now I’m running late, I have to
get a shower, fix breakfast which includes caffeinated coffee, literally drag
two dogs around the neighborhood to pee and poop (no you don’t have time to
sniff the clover much less pee on it!) then toss on some work clothes and race
out the door to the car for work. There
is absolutely no time for any irregularities or variances to the schedule.
One of the main reasons I don’t get in the bed early is
because I married a night owl and his off spring is a night owl. I am a regulated person whose sleepy timer
goes off between 9:30 and 10:00 pm without fail. And even if I make a normal bedtime this
still doesn’t make me a morning person.
None of us can make a coherent sentence until after 10:00 a.m. and then
that’s pushing it. Oh we can get up
before the crack of dawn if we have to but it needs to be for something good
(like a trip out of town). We all
shuffle around like 80 year olds first thing and look like we belong in the
nursing home. If you come to visit, just
keep quiet until you hear one of us speak first. Loud sighs do not count as words.
The other night my peaceful sleep was interrupted by an
invasion and I’m still having trouble getting over it. My night owl daughter had friends over late
and the TV was on. I just couldn’t tune
it out so I did venture downstairs to remind them that I was going to attempt
to awaken at 6 am. No problem, volume
down. I had settled back into bed when I
heard a crazy noise. In my mind I
decided my youngest pup had probably gotten into the trash and pulled out
something to chew. I flipped on my
trusty flashlight to find her sleeping peacefully. Ok fine lay back down. Noise starts up again. This time it must surely be my oldest dog
that snores like a sailor. Trusty
flashlight on, find the dog… yep, sleeping peacefully. My mind is still not fully functioning and I
lay down again. (Did I mention hubby is
sleeping peacefully too???) Bless his
heart. I close my eyes and then I place
the sound, it is above my head and it is tiny little feet scampering in the
attic. Squirrels!
These little rascals had backed up a U-Haul, hired two men
and truck and were moving in. I’m pretty
certain they had their little stereo blaring and had brought in a keg of
beer. Frat party. They had staked off an entire section of the
attic from the master bedroom to the bathroom.
Luxury living….wood floors, well insulated and in a fairly upper class
neighborhood. They quickly ran from one
end of the upstairs apartment to the other arranging furniture, hanging pictures
and unloading boxes.
Meanwhile I am underneath with my trusty flashlight
following their movements. I am wide
awake and madder than an old wet hen. I
go turn on an overhead light and peruse the room. Both dogs are still sound asleep and so is
hubby. Nary a movement from the three of
them. Both dog breeds are European and
from stocks that were originally bred to protect the home from rodent
invaders. Obviously Westernization has
ruined these two.
My sweet hubby is breathing lightly and still sound asleep. I shake his arm and ask loudly, “do you hear
that?” He’s a gracious fellow and
politely asks what I’m referring to. I
point to the ceiling and say “that” as five squirrels race across the attic
floor in their Nike sneakers they just found in the box marked “shoes.” He is not amused and lets me know that he’ll
take care of it. I should go back to
sleep. He’s kidding, right?
I manage to get the light off and crawl back in the bed
fearful one of those critters will fall through the ceiling and landing on me a
la “Christmas Vacation.”
Sleep still eludes me as low flying helicopters begin to
circle around our neighborhood for about an hour. I watch far too many cop shows for my mind to
think it is anything but police looking for a criminal…but it did make the
squirrels quiet down. Hummm, had these
wiry rascals just escaped the nut house and now the cops were in hot
pursuit? I’m the one going to be ready
for the nut house soon… I can tell.
Did I go to sleep?
Well eventually. I mean I guess I
did since I had to wake up to hit the snooze button three times. Lucky for me I’m off tomorrow and can sleep
in a bit, but the sad thing is I’m going to be making a trip to the DMV which
most of us fondly call the Little Shop of Horrors. …..Squirrel!
LoL , I think I know those guys! they took over my stuff last year.. had to call in the swat team to get them out. smoke bombs we're very helpful! good luck :-)
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